HEADLINES

Carney appoints actual cabinet to cabinet. 

Carney says meeting with Trump went well despite Fentanyl cavity search. 

 Poilievre to run in riding of WhiteyWhite-Straightsville.

Trump blames ongoing confusion over death of Gene Hackman for plummeting economy. 

“Canada is an artificial country with very little meaning.” Says man with very little meaning. 

 Cheap eyeliner inhalation suspected in Pope’s death.

 Parking ticket sinks Green Party.

Trump confuses office Baseball pool with economic devastation. 

 Greenland ignores Vance texts, so VP just ‘shows up’ at Greenland's favourite bar.

 Hegseth includes ‘Dial-a-Bottle’ in war plan group chat.

 Canada offers ‘Emergency Egg drop’ over Whitehouse.