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Just jokes, folks.

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-News Crawl-

Canada dispatches ‘Littlest Hobo’ to bite Trump in the nuts.

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HEADLINES

Venezuelan drug boat tour packages down sharply.

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Canada loses measles elimination status. Smith says Diphtheria is next, announces big parade.

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Poilievre says Halloween teaches kids to beg for handouts, calls for total ban.

Poilievre calls Jays “Despicable.” Says win was to cover up Liberal corruption.

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Ford voter fulfills life long dream of buying beer at a gas station.

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Canada Post replaces mail carriers with giant ‘Letter Cannon.’

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WestJet to begin charging for flushable toilets.

Trump claims Acetaminophen pouring in from Canada. Carney appoints ‘Tylenol Czar.’

Trump demands ‘Trans-Canada’ pipeline be renamed.

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Israel targets discarded Shawarma.

Danielle Smith to replace banned library books with ‘Art of the Deal.’

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Bondi claims Epstein files blown out to sea by Hurricane Erin.

Trump wins Nobel Peace t-shirt.

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Canada to turn all wind turbines south so whining Americans get full effect of wildfires.

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Justin Trudeau-Katy Perry dinner ends with bitter disagreement about Eagle Spirit pipeline.

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B.C. man who punched cougar in the face put in charge of all Canada/U.S. relations.

Canada’s Fentanyl Czar completes hardest level of ‘Minecraft.’

Alberta forms ‘Measle Party’ - threatens to rub against rest of Canada.

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Dunking Booth at Calgary Stampede gets new clown.

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Buskers in Quebec City must now sing in French, and the homeless must dress as Mimes.

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Danielle Smith excited for Trump G7 visit.

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NDP lose official party status but pick up some yardwork.

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Trump says finger-puppet show proof of genocide.

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Carney appoints actual cabinet to cabinet.

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Carney says meeting with Trump went well despite Fentanyl cavity search.

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Poilievre to run in riding of WhiteyWhite-Straightsville.

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Trump blames ongoing confusion over death of Gene Hackman for plummeting economy.

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“Canada is an artificial country with very little meaning.” Says man with very little meaning.

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Cheap eyeliner inhalation suspected in Pope’s death.

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Parking ticket sinks Green Party.

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Trump confuses office Baseball pool with economic devastation.

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Greenland ignores Vance texts, so VP just ‘shows up’ at Greenland's favourite bar.

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Hegseth includes ‘Dial-a-Bottle’ in war plan group chat.

Canada offers ‘Emergency Egg drop’ over Whitehouse.

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