Toronto -

 

“Sure, we took a hit when we reduced the smear size to maximize profits, but people are eating it up! Literally!” Said a press liaison for the fast food giant. After the beloved Canadian institution (owned mostly by foreign conglomerates) stared selling what technically can be called “Pizza” they expanded the concept that their menu items should resemble more beloved menu items at other establishments. When asked if this wasn’t a deceptive and dishonest practice, Horton’s responded by saying, “Have you tasted our coffee? We’re owned by Brazil! And that’s the best cup of java we can come up with!? Obviously, our customers will buy anything.”