Washington -

 

“Hey! I trust them more than I trust a lotta goddamn people!” Said the clearly inebriated Secretary of Defence. “They’re always there! Polite, friendly... they goddamn care about me!” Sniffed Secretary Hegesth before crumpling into a simpering puddle in the corner of his Pentagon office. The emotional collapse continued for another hour, when Hegseth regained stability long enough to yell – “If I had used MySpace no one woulda known a goddamn thing!”